It’s been a roller coaster 2 days for me. For some reason, life has been hard. It’s the weekend and I’ve been struggling to find rest time. I do end up sleeping in after a late night. However, I’ve haven’t been getting the deep sleep that would have provided me with the quality rest I needed.
Life is hard.
This month is autism awareness month and what I have just described above is part of what living with autism is all about – not as the child born with it, but as the daddy who is bringing him up.
The struggle is real.
The stubbornness of not wanting to do a task such as taking his shower, once in the toilet not wanting to get out, the obsession with drinking water and going to the loo, the long streak of washing hands, the tantrums along the way, the shouting, the hitting – these are all real.
Am I’m tired – too obvious.
Am I’m stressed and annoyed – of course.
Do I lose it sometimes – I won’t lie to you, I do.
And I hate myself when I do.
All these adds up to the tiredness, the exhaustion.
What keeps me going then?
The same reason I’m haywire, is the same reason I push through – my son.
I love him, even the hardest days, the toughest days, the “I’m going crazy” days – I love him, with all I’ve got.
That’s why I can’t just stand by the side when he is up not sleeping, when he doesn’t take that shower he needs to, when he spent hours and hours in the toilet – how hard it is, he needs to be attended too.
Why I resonate so much with this statement I found on an article on The Mighty Autism FB page written by a mother of a child with autism:
It’s a ferocious level of love that is hard to explain – I love him.
Happy autism awareness month. Be kind.