It sometimes can be a tug of war with Ruzain especially at unfamiliar places. Just like the weather (literally what we’re facing during our Sabah trip), he can be unpredictable – at times a sudden pour of emotions. When overwhelmed, he will find various ways to cope, sometimes causing him to be overwhelmed, which then spills over to the dad being overwhelmed – hahaha.
The one coping mechanism (more of overboard trigger) that I usually struggle to cope with is when he decides not to sleep throughout the night.
This means 1) I would not have enough sleep as well, 2) there is a likelihood he will be cranky the next day and 3) I get anxious not knowing what to expect.
#3 is the worst because it can be so exhausting trying to predict and be prepared for what can happen next.
Despite the many times I go through this cycle, sometimes I still lose it and just end up annoyed. I guess it just confirms I’m a normal human being after all.
But when it comes to Ruzain, while I can be triggered, exhausted and annoyed with him, it’s just impossible to not get pulled back to him – either it’s my father instinct or he is just a human magnet. I actually believe it’s the latter.
And when I least expect it from him, he turns around and be the sweetest kid that melts my heart, every single time. Though he can just by the split of the second be that unpredictable storm again, when he does that sweet thing again, I will melt and lose to him again.
Sweet child of mine, Ruzain. I love you.
